Rob & I did the Gold Coast Half Ironman this past weekend.
My instructions from Al were simple: SMASH IT.
I've been struggling to smash anything as of late, except my morning coffees and accompanying cookies.
After some dramas in the swim (as per KVK usual-I somehow managed to start the race with my wetsuit unzipped), and an uneventful ride, I told myself I was looking forward to running - my favourite of the 3 legs.
It didn't take me long to realise I wasn't going to smash it. I didn't want to. I had absolutely no desire to get out of my comfort zone or push in any way.
On those 21k's I did some soul searching. I remembered myself 5 years ago at my first half ironman race. I went so hard I almost passed out at the finish chute. There was nowhere else in the world I wanted to be except there, running 21km after a long swim and run. Here I was 5 years later, running 21km wanting to be anywhere but there. I kept telling myself I should be running faster, and replying to myself, "why?".
Usually after bad races I tell myself all the lessons I learned to make me better for next time.
This bad race was different. This race I broke up with triathlon. And much like a juvenille high school romance, my on-and-off relationship hit a tipping point. The love is gone.
I can't help but be sad that I no longer love triathlon. Afterall, triathlon has given me so much.
For some reason I still absolutely love the training. I think it's the social part: the friends, the laughs, the swimming in outdoor pools, the rides and runs in beautiful places.
So is my desire salvageable?
I'm not sure.
All I know is I have another half ironman in 4 weeks time and a full one in 9. Both booked and paid for. The Dutch in me thinks it would be a waste to not do the races. The heartbroken schoolgirl in me can't bear the thought of going back to my relationship just because it's what's comfortable.
Talent and training will only get you so far.
The mind is the weapon that separates success from mediocrity.
And right now my mind is out of the game.
Sunday, 4 October, 2009
Uninspired
Posted by IronLa at Sunday, October 04, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
dude, totally hear you. this past year has been exactly what you describe. honestly, i just had a conversation in which i said, "IM AZ, i could take it or leave it". i'm to the point where i dont even feel guilty if i miss a workout.
i figure, i don't have to race. i train because i like it, not because i have to. when i am not liking it (we know the difference between a hard workout that puts us in the hurt box and just plain not enjoying it) i take a break. eventually, i get the desire again. it's the same with racing. take yourself away from the "have to".
dont put any pressure on yourself to do the half and the IM. you'll be fit enough to just jump into them if the urge hits. and if it doesn't, who cares. it's just as much fun (if not more) to cheer on friends and loved ones!
It does get better Karla. Remember you love this sport because it is challenging and fun. SO many great times had from the training and more to be had on race day. All you have to do is go out there put a smile on your face and have some fun!
There is nothing else you have to do, no pressure, just enjoy that you are able to do something others only wish they could!!
I trying to see what was bad: both you and Rob had strong (top 10) finishes. You have been smashing yourself IM training. You can train hard for Olympic distance and handle a half and be ready, you have speed and you don't need much endurance. But it doesn't necessarily work the other way, you can be pretty tired IM training and not know it.
Look forward and focus on your AAA race and use the B races for what they are, practice for the big ones. And as far as the other ones you're signed up for: don't put pressure on yourself, if you want to race do it if not f'it. Or just do the swim/bike as a training brick.
Eye on the prize, right!
Maybe instead of a full-fledged breakup you need a break, Ross & Rachel style - complete with cheating on the IM. Does rollerblading tickle your fancy? Always wanted to dabble in kick boxing? It's not necessarily a break from the training that you love, but a break from the pressure to perform.
Post a Comment